IC: AVL Seeks Rights

Are Vampires the New Oppressed Minority?
By Colin Berry

In a recent interview, Nan Flanagan — the "Official Face" of the American Vampire League, stated that vampires just want to be treated like any member of society, and share equal rights with the human race. (The video can now be found here: Watch Nan Flanagan Speak on Vampire Rights)

But what does equality mean in this case?

The proposed Vampire Rights Amendment states that the equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or any state on account of vampiric status — much like the Equal Rights Amendment does for women. Included in the proposal is the right to vote, the right to marry, and the right to obtain other legal documents such as passports, and travel visas.

Some suggestions are also offered along with the Vampire Rights Amendment, such as enforcing schools of the post-secondary level to offer a full curriculum for the night crowd; stores and financial institutions to remain open twenty-four hours a day; museums and art galleries to be open at all hours; more companies and brands that are "vampire-friendly"; and of course, the sale of synthetic blood at every retail outlet and not just liquor stores.

What would this mean for the average human? Not much, except that they could expect to run into those of the undead persuasion more than ever.

Reverend Steve Newlin; gearing up for his Light of Day Institute — a leadership conference for the Fellowship of the Sun, and potential parishioners — released the following statement via a brief telephone interview: "A Vampire Rights Amendment? Next thing you know those blood suckers will be demanding to be called "Undead Americans" and terms like "Vampire", "Nosferatu", and the like will join the list of words we cannot say ever, for fear of being labeled as racist."

There is no fear of the Vampire Rights Amendment passing swiftly. It still needs to be brought before the House, and then ratified — which, using the Equal Rights Amendment as a model, could take years.

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License